Darimus
BattleForums Addict
I collected a list from around the web of just about every funny truism I could find... these are really really funny
1/6 people suffer from common colds, does that mean 5/6 enjoy it?
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you!
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
So many idiots, so few comets.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Using force to stop force is absurd.
On the other hand, you have different fingers
If you need a helping hand, just look at the end of your arm
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
I started out with nothing.... I still have most of it.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
It was all so different before everything changed.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't
So many cats, so few recipes.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this...No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
If you don't control your mind, someone else will.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Everybody repeat after me... "We are all individuals."
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
He who hesitates is probably right.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
If at first u don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first u don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Cologne - use it, don't eat it.
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2.
Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What is important is that you continue to do so.
1/6 people suffer from common colds, does that mean 5/6 enjoy it?
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you!
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
So many idiots, so few comets.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
Using force to stop force is absurd.
On the other hand, you have different fingers
If you need a helping hand, just look at the end of your arm
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.
I started out with nothing.... I still have most of it.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
It was all so different before everything changed.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't
So many cats, so few recipes.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this...No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
If you don't control your mind, someone else will.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Everybody repeat after me... "We are all individuals."
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
He who hesitates is probably right.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
If at first u don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first u don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Cologne - use it, don't eat it.
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2.
Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What is important is that you continue to do so.
